Are you certain you've chosen the right career?

There's a weird symmetry to my careers.  Careers, plural. Multitude of.

The first job I had that could be considered career-path was with a small scene shop in New Jersey. I was fresh out of grad school and had a head full of doubt.  I didn't know if the job I'd just spent three years training for would ever happen.  I'd just been told by a giant in the craft that I was no good.

It was a portfolio showcase.  End of studies and I was already suffering from debilitating self-doubt.  I was too busy focusing on what I didn't know to acknowledge what I knew.  I was surrounded by brilliant classmates and brilliant faculty and brilliant professionals.  In the solar system of fellow graduates, I think I was Pluto.

No, Pluto is no longer a planet.

I stand by the analogy.

There were people wandering around this portfolio showcase, shaking hands and smiling and congratulating fellow grads on their successful completion of three years of rigorous study.  Very nice people even stopped by my work and gave encouraging words, pointing out things that they liked and things they would've liked to see me improve on.

Put in the work.  Some lessons have taken me a very long time to learn.

Then, there was this giant of the industry.  A guy who was in text books.  A guy who'd won multiple awards.  In my mind, he was on the Mount Rushmore of the trade.  I was a little nervous, this guy going around, nodding as he looked at other people's works.  He didn't smile, simply nodded, said some words, then moved on. 

We'd had our own giants of the industry teach us during my time in grad school.  Two of them actually.  Two guys who I respected and two guys who have been nothing but kind and generous to me.

This guy was different.

He reached my portfolio, turned every page, looked at every model, scanned every piece of work on the wall.

"Are you certain you've chosen the right career?"

A nod and he moves on.

Yeah, still stings.

No, I'm not fucking certain I've chosen the right career.  I'm just starting my life, how am I supposed to be certain that I've chosen the right career.  This isn't something someone who's just finished three years of rigorous study knows.  Certainty?

Turns out, in a way, that his question was right.  In order to make it in that craft, you must not only be certain, you must dedicate yourself fully.  You cannot dabble.  There is very little reward even if you're successful.  You must do it because you love it.  Because it's the only thing you CAN do.

There are a lot of things I can do.  After years of making careers of them and doing very well for myself, advancing and gaining accolades, I'm pretty certain that I quite versatile.  None of them have been my passion, but I'd been driven by other motivations.

Now, I'm letting all of that drop away and jumping in with a passion.  Now, I'm waiting for the next giant to come to me and look my work up and down before turning to me.

"Are you certain you've chosen the right career?"

No, not at all.  I am certain, however, that no one will come close to touching the passion I have for doing the work.  It may not become a career, but it's my life's work.

I love making art.


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The fatigue is real, y'all.

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The [name]'s the thing.