Honey and Vinegar

What substance will aid with the catching of more flies?

This is a horrible question.  Why would anyone want to attract flies unless they're trying to feed their iguanas on the cheap.  Sidebar managed.

There was a study recently that found that flies LOVE apple cider vinegar, so that's an axiom blown to shit.

Let's get back to the core of the thing, though.  Do you get better results by treating people with kindness or by forcing them into defensiveness?  It truly does depend on the person.

Some people respond well to having their beliefs challenged.  They like the vinegar.  They want you to put them into a position where they need to defend themselves, defend their core beliefs.  Only then do they feel alive. Challenged.  Part of the established collective.

These folks have their own baggage to sort.  They have needs that they're aware of (hopefully) and are getting them filled (hopefully) by a little confrontation.

But, what about the people they're drawn to?  What about the ones that spew the vinegar? Are they satisfied with their lives?  Their situations?  Are they fulfilled by issuing forth the bile that they so generously distribute?

I'm guessing that you know my answer to those questions, but I'll continue to pretend that I still have a point to make.

It's always better to treat humans like they're humans.  That's a universal truth.  Whenever we forget that the other people we're dealing with are human, we begin to foster the worst in ourselves.  We begin to look at others like, well, others.  We detach, looking after our own needs and desires above the humanity in others.  Whenever we're give the opportunity to detach others' humanity, we begin to remove our own.  We begin to ignore the things that have advanced us above our ancient protohuman ancestors.

So, should we look to draw more flies with honey or with vinegar?

Should we look to draw flies at all?

Should we try and endear ourselves to those who would only look to feed off of us?  Feast from our dead parts?

Different question.

Should we treat humans like humans?  Should we approach them with kindness and at least a small degree of empathy?

There's a person I've worked with quite a bit, let's call them Lenny.  Lenny has a very good job with lots of benefits, fringe and otherwise, that gives Lenny an extraordinary amount of access.  Lenny likes doing things that gives Lenny prestige.  Nothing wrong with that, Lenny takes what Lenny can get.

But, in dealing with others, Lenny loses their humanity.  Lenny fails to remember that everyone Lenny is dealing with is a fellow human on the same journey.  Lenny loves to bark commands, undercut other team members that then allow Lenny to look like they're saving the day.

Lenny likes putting out large saucers of vinegar.

This person will realize that the results the receive are diminishing.  Lenny get's less and less each time they forget their humanity.  Lenny is the chief and everyone else is an Other, not worth putting the effort into connecting with.  It gets Lenny nowhere, as far as they're concerned, to uphold the humanity in others.  There's no immediate gain.

The immediate loss lies in Lenny's developed humanity.

I like my own humanity.  it's taken me a very long while to realize this.  It's developed, evolved, advanced.  Decades of practice has put it in the position to recognize fellow humanity.  I try to not forget that we're all human, that we each have our own journey, take our own path.

I am only human, after all.  Not some damn fly.

*Special note: Lenny is not the person's real name, of course.  You probably figured that much out, though.  The non-gender-specific pronouns should have given it away.

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The [name]'s the thing.

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Go get it!